Why can't I find anyone to write my books for me?

I am way behind in several big writing projects, including two books under contract, a book that I should be writing, a book that I really want to write but don't even dream of finding the time for, and a couple of other book-like projects. So why can't I find someone to write these books in my place? Even one ghost-written manuscript could ease my work load enormously.

Evidently pharmaceutical companies hire writing companies to write medical textbooks published under the names of real scientists and physicians (see the blog Mind Hacks, or the original article in the NY Times, or a recent article in the Stanford Daily). And some Harvard professors have managed to find students to write their books (see the blog, Harvard Plagiarism Archive). So why am I stuck here all alone with my computer?

Maybe there are advantages to working in a relatively obscure academic discipline with few commercial opportunities. That is, unless one wanted to cozy up to commercial art dealers, in which case maybe a wealthy patron could be found to finance the ghost-writing of one's books. Oh well.


PS--- did you hear the one about the postmodern ethnographer?

• What did the post-modern anthropologist say to their informant? “But enough about you, let’s talk about me.” (thanks to comments on Savage Minds for that one).